The Comedy Addiction Tour (from left) Mark Lundholm, me, Billy Robinson, and Kurtis Matthews
I found this in a garden in Switzerland and it made me giggle:
photos by Michelle Ellis:
I used to be 3 feet tall... and adorable.
Me at age 2 with my Uncle Michael... he used to be a comic and a clown with Ringling... I know this photo looks creepy, but rest assured, that's just my uncle who's lap I'm sitting in... that somehow doesn't help.
My brother 1st Lieutennant Matty "Sweet Pea" Joyce... an expert knife fighter/army ranger/fluent in Mandarin Chinese... basically your standard Tom Clancy protagonist:
Another photo of the brother and me from our youth... A poetic photo, I think because our demeanor in it illustrates our current occupations, my brother (on the right) poised with toy gun is now a mercenary, and I am now closing with the dead racoon bit:
This is the first thing my brother ever killed... I promise you it will not be the last.
My first foray into the entertainment busness, as a 5 year old, I used to manage my brother Matty "Jazz Hands" we called him, a 2 year old Elton John impersonator.
After:
My brother and my roommate and hilarious comic Ray Devito:
Lt. Matty "Sweet Pea" Joyce and me at the Kole Kole Pass on Schoefield Baracks in Hawaii... This is the mountain pass the Jap planes flew through on their way to bomb Pearl Harbor. Any you can only use the term "Jap" in reference to the pilots who sabatoged our Pacific Fleet... The people who made my Nissan Altima are lovely "Japanese" people.
A bespectacled me:
Joe Eberle, Mark Lundholm and me:
Jimmy Fallon and me:
Bob and Tom and me... I'm the one in the middle:
Dom Irrera, myself and Matt Haffer... Matt is the only torso working in the comedy business.
Brett Butler and me.
Boobies I have signed with Joey Grant:
Boobies I have signed (cont.)
The most disturbing boobies I've ever signed... in Lansing, Michigan... but I do not discriminate when it comes to signing boobies:
I'm adding a sub-section in the "boobies I have signed" part of the blog that I'm officially calling "boobies I very much would like to sign which belong to Kassandra"
Christian Finnegan and me at Finnegan's wedding... It was a much better time than his wake. Hayoo... Irish Literature joke everybody.
Dan Allen, Andy Vastola and me at a Yankees game... the facial hair look I am trying to cultivate is commonly known as "Gay Pirate":
My high school is proud of me... is yours?
Paul Hooper and me... I am intentionally squireling out my eyes thank you very much:
Dan Allen, The Guy, Bryan Olsen, and Anthony DeVito:
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Me hosting "Date Night" on AMC
These next three are from a little profile book given out at our 8th grade graduation... I was 13 at the time. It lists my "hobby" as "Telling funny jokes" and my "Ambition" as "To be a comedian"
also from when I was 13... I listed my "Happiest Moment" as "Telling a good joke" the rest of that quote should read "Telling a good joke in the hopes that everyone will overlook the fact that I'm 72 pounds 10 of which are giant glasses and I have a face full of braces."
I love this too... it's the class prophecy, and it states that I'm "giving one of his famous comedy acts." which reads easier than "basic cable famous comedy acts":
This is about as Johnny Cash as I can get:
Keith Alberstadt and me.
Andy Hendrickson and me.
Greg Giraldo, Phil Provencio, and me at the Tempe Improv
Me probably aged 19 or 20 with frosted hair and the origional Pittsburgh comedy crew, clockwise from top left, John Miller, me, Vic Wallace, Mike Whatule, and Rocky Whatule.
My mom and a koala bear.
My headshot hanging above a urinal.
Quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever seen:
Justin Janosko & Darrin Hall from The Lifetime Guarantee (we went to high school together)
at the Chicago Field Museum with the man-eating serial killer lions of Tsavo.
Me at the "Grand Canyon" of Hawaii, on the island of Kaua'i
Keith and me atop the Hawaiian Grand Canyon... I need to invest in sunglasses. If I loose my squirley eyes, I loose 10 minutes of material.
atop the mountain I climbed in O'ahu... incidentally I smoked cigarettes the whole way up, and Keith and I still beat everyone to the top.
the car I rented in O'ahu... it was actually a lot nicer than my old Honda I got rid of.
Me outside The Stupid Factory in Waikiki... being stupid. Get it?
Keith and me "going gay" on a mountain in O'ahu under a rainbow.
atop Diamond Head Crater
On Boracay Island in the Philippines.
Flying over Baghdad
With Professional Badass Sgt. Jason McClure of the 10th Mountain Division at F.O.B. Warrior in Kirkuk. They're called the Triple Duces, notice the cards in the background.. then notice that "there's no heart"... see what I mean... badass.
the hand from that Sadaam statue we toppled at the beginning of the war.
yes... that statue.
the bombed out ballroom in Sadaam's palace.
the roof of Sadaam's palace... Redecoration courtesy of the United States Military.
the Bin Laden construction company in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia... I went and asked the management... they haven't seen him. I tried everyone.
